When You Don't Feel Like Tapping

The pesky thing about EFT is that it only works if you do it. Those of us who have been tapping for awhile can attest to this frustrating fact. The thing is, even though tapping is so powerful, a lot of the times when we need it most, we don't do it. We tell ourselves we're too busy to tap right now, or we pretend the intense pain or stress we're feeling is no big deal, or, my personal favorite: "It won't help."  

Even though I have been doing EFT every single day for many years, and have experienced first-hand my share of EFT miracles, I still have that thought. And what I notice is that I only think that about my own stuff. No matter what issue a client comes to me with, no matter how violent or traumatic or horrific the experience was that they want to heal from, I feel confident that by the end of the session, that person will be permanently free from a good portion of it, if not all of it.  

But when I have an issue, something from my past or my present day life that is upsetting me and stressing me out, that's when that niggling thought arises: "It probably won't work. Why bother?" Why do I only have this thought about my own healing and not that of my clients? What is that? In a word, it's fear. Fear of going into the issue to heal it, when it's easier to avoid it (even though it's still causing you to suffer in the midst of your avoidance. Have you noticed?). Fear of releasing a chunk of our conditioning that we've come to think of as who we are. The ego gets very cagey at this prospect, and pulls all kinds of clever tricks to keep itself intact, unchanging, and forever in charge.  

God bless the ego! It is so innocent and fearful, thinking that if it can just control everything, it will be able to create some security for itself. And that's okay. That's just what egos do. A few years ago, a client said to me, "This is going to sound really weird, but doing EFT on my childhood makes me feel like I'm erasing myself. I realize that that sounds bad, but it's not. It's really, really good." I wholeheartedly agree with her. It is good! But let's face it, if there's one thing the ego doesn't want, it's to be erased! 

When you find yourself in this predicament of being in pain, knowing that EFT will help (while simultaneously asserting to yourself that it won't), and afraid to enter into your pain with your tapping fingers, just begin there. One of the things I love most about EFT is the way it allows you to meet yourself exactly where you are. So just start tapping the karate chop point and say to your sweet, hurting, frightened self: "Even though I don't want to tap on this issue (name whatever the issue is), I'm doing the best I can, and I deserve love." And, "Even though I know tapping on this issue won't help, so there's no reason to bother even trying, I'm doing the best I can, and I deserve love." And, "Even though I know there is no way that EFT will heal this issue--I've had it for too long, it's too big, it will never heal, and I will never change, I deeply and completely accept myself." 

Just keep tapping on statements like these until you feel comfortable moving more deeply into the issue. You'll know when it's time to get more specific, to tap on the heart of the matter, because you'll want to do it—your resistance to tapping on it will be gone. Until then, just work around the edges of your pain, tapping away whatever layers of doubt and resistance you may have. The tapping will release the inner barriers you have to healing your issue, and then, once those have been tapped away, the tapping will release the issue itself.  

Got questions or comments about this article? Post in the comments section below.

EFT for Healing Anger

One of the most powerful ways to use EFT to release anger and hurt feelings about a relationship is to create tapping statements out of what you would like to say to this person, and then tap these statements through until they feel neutral. For example, "Joe, I'm really angry and hurt because I needed you to listen to me, and you ignored me instead." When doing this kind of EFT, allow yourself to give voice to how you're really feeling, even if it sounds petty, mean, or childish. Meet yourself where you are, and tap yourself free from the painful emotions you're carrying about what happened. 

This is a great opportunity to say things that wouldn't be wise or helpful to actually say to the person. Instead, similar to writing a letter that you would never mail, you say out loud, as though you were really speaking to the person, what you are feeling, no matter how accusatory, victimey, or hurtful. Tell it like it is, and tap yourself free! Just be sure to keep tapping through the points as you pour your heart out. Very powerful!

You can use this technique with anyone, living or dead. Just think of the person you're feeling badly about, and ask yourself: "How am I feeling about this person? If I could say anything to him/her, with no fear of consequences like hurting them or causing further problems, what would I say?" When the answers to these questions come, start saying them outloud while tapping through the points. Repeat the same statement over and over again until it feels neutral. For example: "I can't believe you did that to me. How could you?" When that one's clear, another one will likely arise in its place, such as: "I really needed you to stand up for me, and you didn't." Just tap that one through, and continue on with each statement that arises until you feel like the session is complete.  

With some relationships, there can be years and years worth of hurt feelings, so just do as much as feels comfortable to you, and then come back to it another day.  Remember that whatever you released is gone for good, and though it can seem like an endless amount of "stuff", it's not.  But don't take my word for it--just keep tapping, and you'll see for yourself.

As always, let me know if you get stuck, or if you have any questions.

heather@heatherambler.com ~ 650.465.4788

How to Use EFT to Clear a Painful Memory

You're hurting about something in your past, and you want to be free from it, but you're not quite sure how to release it with EFT.  Where to begin?  Here's an easy-to-follow bullet-pointed list (who doesn't love bullet points?) to guide you through.

• Name the memory.  For example: My girlfriend cheated on me.

• Give a number between 0 and 10 to the emotional intensity you experience when you feel into this memory

• Now put the memory title into an EFT set-up statement.  In this example, it would be, "Even though my girlfriend cheated on me, I deeply and completely accept myself."

• Repeat the set-up statement three times while tapping on the karate chop point (refer to Mona Lisa pic if you don't know where that is).

• Now tap through all the points, repeating at each point the statement without the set-up phrases around it. In this case it would be: "My girlfriend cheated on me."

• Tap through all the points one more time, while repeating the statement at each point.  Now you've tapped through the points twice.

• Now ask yourself: What thoughts and feelings are coming to me now?  Whatever comes as an answer to this question can be used as your next tapping statement.  For example: "I can't believe she lied to me all those months."

• At this point, you can either continue tapping on the first statement, or take the new statement through the steps you just did on the first statement.  Let your intuition guide you about whether to stick with the previous statement or move onto the new one.  Remember, you can always save the new statement for later.  Likewise, you can always return to a statement that you've moved on from.

• Just continue on this manner, until the whole subject of "My girlfriend cheated on me" feels neutral, meaning you feel at peace about it.  You'll notice as you tap, if you hadn't already realized it before, that the memory you chose to work on, in all likelihood, is really a whole collection of related memories, all of which fit under the umbrella of your title memory.  Other examples of memory umbrellas might be: "Car accident," "Miscarriage," "Getting divorced."   

Basically, with EFT, if you just follow the thread, it will lead you all the way through the issue (depending on the issue's complexity, this can be done in one tapping session, and sometimes it takes multiple sessions).  So the beginning of the thread in this example is whatever the title of your memory is, and once you start tapping that out, it will lead you to the next aspect of that painful memory that's ready to be released.  Related memories and feelings will pop up, like, in this example, the lies that were told, or sometimes it's a sensory memory, like the smell of a certain food cooking when the infidelity was discovered.  

As always, be sure to let me know if you get stuck or have questions. heather@heatherambler@com ~ 650.465.4788 

Top Ten Reasons Why EFT Is the Best Thing Ever

10. You can use it to relieve the pain and swelling of a bee sting.

9. You can tap for poison oak or ivy and it will stop itching and oozing.

8. It can improve your golf score.

7. Tapping helps you learn and memorize things MUCH faster.

6. It can permanently free you from the pain of a traumatic memory.

5. It’s a potent stress reliever.

4. It clears away confusion and gives you clarity.

3. Tapping heals broken hearts.

2. Kids can use it to self soothe when they're feeling scared or sad.

1. When you tap about someone you feel hurt by, the hurting stops,

    and the grace of forgiveness effortlessly takes its place.